


Here Comes The Money

by antikytheranComplicator



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Greed Curse, Humanstuck, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-27
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 20:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5554589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antikytheranComplicator/pseuds/antikytheranComplicator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John gets an unexpected surprise when he tries to confess his feelings to Roxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here Comes The Money

Here Comes The Money

  


John Egbert had a problem. A typical problem for people his age, really-- he was having trouble admitting his feelings to his crush. He’d been friends with Roxy Lalonde for around two years, though it had only been a month since the time they watched National Treasure 2 together and she fell asleep leaning against him and he realized that he had been in denial about his enormous crush on her. And ever since then, he had spent many a night sitting up in his bed, thinking about how he was going to handle this situation.

The problem was that Roxy was just a really  _ intense _ person. Not in the same way as his ex Vriska was, but Roxy was an extremely touchy-feely type of girl, meaning he was never really able to tell if anything she did (the leaning on his side, the constant grabbing of his arm, the near-daily cheek-kisses, among other things) was actually a sign that she liked him, and he was worried that if he ever confessed his feelings for her she’d laugh at him and say he was overreacting, even though he knew she was a better person than that.

“I just wish I wasn’t so scared of asking her out,” he said aloud. And then he was met with the distinct smell of cold, hard cash.

John had no idea how to explain it. On the table next to his bed was a dollar bill that he swore wasn’t there before which somehow smelled  _ green _ , and instead of a picture of a dead President, it had an image of a cartoon man with a strange hat and a fancy suit. Despite everything movies had taught him about touching strange, mysteriously appearing objects, John felt compelled to reach out and examine it.

The bill glowed with a sickly green light when he touched it, and the light exploded in intensity and completely filled up the room when he looked into the strange man’s eyes.

  


Roxy Lalonde had a problem. A typical problem for people her age, really-- she was having trouble admitting her feelings to her crush. She’d been friends with John Egbert for around two years, though it had only been a few months since their eyes met after a particularly intense round of Mario Kart for what seemed like an eternity though it was probably only half a second, and she realized that she wanted their relationship to be more than platonic. And ever since then, she had spent many a night sitting up in her bed, thinking about how she was going to handle this situation.

The problem was that John was just a really oblivious person. Ever since her confessing her feelings for Dirk Strider almost ended his friendship with her, she had been turned away from open confessions in the first place, and instead tried to make her feelings for John as obvious as she could without outright admitting them. But despite kissing his cheek nearly every time she saw him and even “falling asleep” on his side one time, he seemed to show no response to any of her actions. She was really scared that one day she’d be forced to just tell him her feelings, or worse, someone else would tell him for her, and that her friendship with John would be hurt the same way hers with Dirk was.

“I just wish he’d realize how I feel about him,” she said aloud. And then she was met with a knock on her door.

Roxy got out of her bed, rubbed her eyes, and made her way over to the door of her apartment. Who would want to see her at this time of night, without even sending a text? She knew she would be seeing something surprising when she opened the door, but nothing could have prepared her for what she actually saw.

  


Naughty By Nature’s  _ Here Comes the Money _ blared seemingly from nowhere as Roxy opened the door to a ghostly green light. Inside the doorframe stood a mysterious man in a green suit and an obscenely big top hat… and it was John Egbert! She would’ve laughed at the ridiculousness of his outfit and the whole situation, if not for the apparent magic that was occurring, and the extremely uncharacteristic look of focused determination and resolve that was on John’s now dark green face.

“Hey, Roxy! So, I’ve had a pretty weird night, but now I have these cool powers! Aren’t they awesome?” John said, with a smug smile on his face as he snapped his fingers and every light in the apartment turned green.

Roxy just stood there with her jaw dropped to the floor. This was not how she’d planned to spend her Friday night.

“Oh, come on, surely you’ve at least got something to say! I know you know I look  _ amazing _ .” John moved closer to her, in a way that would’ve made her blush if he didn’t look like some kind of green monster.

“John? I-is that actually you? I mean, I know you always joke about people with stupid outfits, but  _ damn! _ ” Roxy was actually pretty close to blushing anyway, but she was also scared underneath her attempt of normal conversation.

“Ahahahahahahaha! Nice try, Roxy, but I’m sure underneath that red tinge on your face you really want to be green with envy.” He grinned even harder. “The best part about these powers is the puns. And also, I finally have the courage to tell you I like you!”

“Wait… what?” Roxy’s face turned a little redder, but she also looked even more confused. “What does that have to do with anything, and why would you talk about that when you’re actually green right now? Are you not, like, at all worried?”

“Actually, I’m not! Ever since I transformed into… whatever this is, I’ve felt like I can do anything! Like everything I was too scared to do before is something I can accomplish. And if you want, I can share it with you!”

“Wait, what? You mean you want me to come along on your freaky-ass magic drug trip?” said Roxy with an apprehensive expression.

John smirked. “I think of it as more of an experience than a drug trip. Besides, no matter what you call it, I’ve been able to do so much because of it. You didn’t react to it much, which is understandable, but I’ve wanted to say how I feel about you for months, and these cool powers have given.me the guts to do it. I don’t know whether you like me back, but I’m sure you have something you wish you were strong enough to do.” John reached out his hand to Roxy. “Come on, Roxy. Won’t you join me?”

Roxy thought about it for a moment. She was too much in shock for the idea of John liking her back to really sink in. But though normally John’s offer would have raised several red flags, something in his speech resonated with her. He was offering her what seemed to be a solution to all her social problems. She could be the person she knew she could be, and just for the price of turning green. And before she truly realized what she was doing, she laced her fingers with John’s.

John let out a maniacal laugh as the green glow engulfed Roxy. Her clothes rapidly shifted and changed color, until they finally settled on a more feminine version of the same green suit that adorned John. The look of shock in her eyes was quickly replaced by one of smug satisfaction, and she exploded into shrill laughter that harmonized perfectly with John’s.

They glanced into each other’s eyes for a moment, and the room turned completely green. Hungry with newfound desire, they greedily embraced each other with the first kiss that both had wanted but neither had expected. They passionately made out long into the night, before finally collapsing onto Roxy’s couch.

  


When John woke up, he noticed the near-overwhelming smell of dollar bills before he realized he wasn’t in his room. Part of him wanted to panic, but he was too comfortably nestled into something warm and soft --and when he looked around, he discovered to his horror that he was tightly intertwined with not something, but some _ one _ . His face turned dark red as he frantically tried to think of a way to get out of the situation he had no idea how he ended up in.

When Roxy woke up, she noticed the sound of an alarm she set the previous day before she realized someone was breathing rapidly next to her. Part of her wanted to panic, but she realized her arms were wrapped around someone warm and soft --and when she looked around, she discovered that she was tightly intertwined with a deeply worried blushing dork.

Both of them laughed awkwardly, and it was a long time before either of them moved or spoke.

“Um, Roxy, I just want to say that I have no idea how I got here, and I’m really sorry if I did anything stupid or creepy annoying and I can’t thank you enough for letting me stay the night.”

Roxy just laughed. “Ya know, I can’t remember how I got here either. Whatever you did, it looks like I caught you red-handed, or should I say, red-faced. But I don’t think I can say I mind too much.”

Before John could think of a response, Roxy pecked him on the lips and giggled.

John somehow became even more flushed at that. “So are you saying you want to do this more often?”

“Johnny-boy, we should’ve done this more often a long time ago.”

The new couple had no idea that their first makeout session was actually their second.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to superethanworld for the prompt, and thanks to you for reading! All constructive criticism is welcome.


End file.
